Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shail be praised.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Father, give me the discernment and the strength to win every battle I’ve been ordained to win, I’m more than a conqueror!
It has gotten to the point where I am struggling mentally every day to keep up with these three babies of mine. I have never been married and have five beautiful children. I could never regret the children as they are blessings to my life. However, I know that by sinning I have opened up certain doors for torment. I am learning to not carry the shame with me into every season.
O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies’ triumph over me.
(PSALMS 25:2)
I am far from perfect, and I know this to be true. I have been on the verge of breaking down and giving up so many times. Currently I am struggling with custody for my eldest children as I have two different kids’ fathers. On another note, I live with the younger three children’s father who seems stuck in his worldly ways. There’s this strong urge to keep going though, as if I know the breakthrough is right around the corner.
Lately, God seems to be so much closer as I am learning how to form a relationship with him. Every day I have to repent and give thanks to our heavenly Father. So many years in darkness harboring pain in my body has caused stony places in my heart. I have baptized myself in a tub 2 years ago and ever since then God has been showing me things in my dreams. I know this to be him as I continue on this journey because of the discernment I asked him for. With discernment I now see how evil this world really is. And sometimes, it becomes so heavy on my heart.
Getting closer to the truth can cause depression:
- You will lose people that were close to you, you will prefer to be alone. You will no longer want to be of the world.
- ECCLESIASTES 1:17-18 And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.
- You will be attacked, even by the ones that are closest to you. Book of Psalms 57:6 They have prepared a net for my steps, my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst whereof they are fallen themselves. Selah
Love and Forgiveness is the answer
As I continue to learn the word and praise God, I know that there will be many tests and battles.
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole Armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole Armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness, and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. (Ephesians 6:10-17)